Tripletville Adventures : 2014

So I sit here wondering what 2015 will bring for us. I know it brings with it many changes in our lives along with many firsts. It'll be the year the boys take their first plane ride; we are going to Florida to visit my mom and step-dad. The boys can fly for free and we had enough Air Miles accumulated to pay for our tickets. My sister and her family are also coming with us so we'll have a third adult for the babies. That should be fun (I'm sure you're looking forward to THAT blog post!). The boys will be starting daycare with half day trials starting on the 5th (that makes me sick to my stomach). I was talking to Gabe about my feelings about daycare today and how I've been reading articles designed to make working moms feel bad about it all. I'm always going back and forth about my feelings on daycare. I've been a stay at home mom for a year now and I was on semi bed rest for 3 months prior to that so I've been off work for a year and a half and I'm ready to go back. I'm ready for that break. Of course it's still work, but it's a break from the mom work. Here's where my feelings start going astray... I'm torn between needing a breather and so so sad about leaving my babies to someone else's care. As lovely as these childcare educators are and as much as they'll care for my babies, they're not me. They won't love them as much as I do and they won't give them the special treatment I would because to them, all their babies are the same. They may not have the same values as Gabe and I do and I'm scared the babies will pick up bad habits that I've tried so hard to avoid. I know I know, I'm just being paranoid. It's not as though I won't have influence on their upbringing it's just that strangers will be spending more time with my children than me and that makes me sad. I have no other choice but to work and I WANT to work as I know I'm not made to be a stay at home mom but I wish I could have it both ways. I know the boys will love it eventually and it'll do me some good to be among peers and students again but as many "returning to work" moms can and will attest, I'm going to have a very hard time with the adjustment. The boys have been quite a handful lately and I'm having a harder time with them. I think it's a mix of two things... I know the "end" of my stay with them is near and like any end of anything, it feels like it'll never get here. I only really have this week left, then the boys go to their half daycare days and then we're off to Florida. When we come back, we have three days with them and then I start work the following Monday. It'll all go by very quickly and it's scary. The other reason I feel they're being harder to handle is because they're getting older and getting bored. I don't have many ideas of things I can do with them and when I run out of ideas all they want to to do is either cry or be on me and I can't have them all on me at the same time and that makes them cry more. It would be much easier if there were only one of them to take out and do activities with but I have but my two hands and three babies and activities aren't designed for my situation so I make do with what I have at home. We're getting by and we'll get through. There's another reason why daycare will be better for them: they'll be able to do much more with them than I can because they'll have more hands on deck. I so wish I could do more but I can only do what I can do. Knowing this is my last full week with them alone (well Gabe will be here New Years Day) is both exciting and depressing. I will miss many firsts. Samuel will most likely be walking by the end of this week but I will probably miss Zachary's first steps. I've been there for ALL their firsts so far and I just can't imagine missing some of what's coming. I'll just tell the daycare workers not to tell me any of the things they've done so that when they do it with me at home, it'll be their true firsts lol. To be honest, I think the feeling that is at the top of my conscience is guilt. I feel guilty for looking forward to the break, for needing time for me. I even feel guilty now for living nap to nap because it gives me a moment to breathe. Shouldn't I enjoy every moment with my babies (I guess toddlers now)? I wanted them so much that I seeked help in getting them here so shouldn't I relish every opportunity? I envy those moms who seem so happy all the time with their perfect child. Why can't I be that mom?? I long for just a day where I can lay in my bed all day and do nothing but read, eat and watch tv. It's funny that I say that because every time I've been given that chance to do just that (well a few hours anyway), I get up the moment I hear the boys. I can't be away from them if I know we're in the same house and they're awake, I just feel wrong about it. I don't want to miss anything. Even when I'm in the kitchen cooking, if I hear Gabe laughing at something they did, I immediately want to know what I missed and then I'm sad that I missed it. So yes, I say I long for rest and relaxation but when I get it, all I want is to be with the boys so WTFK? (right Alicia?)...

So what else awaits us in 2015? Who knows but I know it'll be full of new and exciting (and scary) adventures that I can't wait to share it with you all. The blog might become more of a monthly event now that there will be less to report but I don't plan on completely stopping because I have such an awful long term memory that this is the only way I'll remember most of our lives and adventures together. It'll be nice to look back on it all. All I know is that I'm ready for the next step in our lives and I'm so excited to see what it'll bring. Jacob has just started saying "YEP" and as soon as I finished writing my last sentence, that's what I heard from my little guy. I guess he's excited too...

Christmas was fun but not too eventful. People kept saying "Oh, this year will be fun as they're older and they know what's going on more". I don't think that's true. They had no clue what was happening. They had amazing gifts and all they cared about was the boxes those gifts came in. Their stockings? We put toys they had in their toy box, a pack of mum mums and oatmeal cookies from the cupboard. They didn't even know how to empty the stockings. Are we bad parents for not buying our sons gifts and filling their stockings with pre owned items? I don't think so... Aren't we saving Santa money after all? I think next year will be more exciting for them. It was more exciting for us. We had our family over for a fondue dinner on Christmas Eve. It was my in-laws first fondue experience and they really loved it. We started it after the boys went down for the night so we could relax and enjoy the experience. That's what's nice about a fondue, it's an experience. It takes a while but it gives you a chance to talk and actually enjoy your company. We then had Christmas Dinner at my in laws and the boys loved it as it was a whole new house so new areas to explore and stuff to put in their mouths. We are blessed with an amazing group of people that surround us everyday that we get to call family. We of course, missed my mom who spent Christmas in Florida, but we got to video chat so that was exciting. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and I wish you all a wonderful start to the new year. We will be ringing in the new year at a wedding for one of my Surf-Ivor ladies so we'll be partying it up Surf-Ivor style! Should be fun! I can't tell you for sure we'll make it to midnight though... we're normally in bed by 9 haha...

Here are some pics of the week:

My trip to Costco with just me and the boys. I was wearing Zachary and pushing the other two. Yes it was busy and crazy but we made it an adventure! Tomorrow I attempt Target...

Aren't those diapers cute?

We had a nice Christmas Day walk in our cute little outfits in the 13 degree temperature!

We went to Mémère's and Pépère's house for Christmas dinner. The boys loved their new high chairs.

The boys pile up on Daddy the moment he gets home from work.

Jacob and mommy selfie

The boys unwrapping their presents.

They love the boxes more than what's in them

We had a nice family fondue for Christmas Eve.

The boys with their stockings on Christmas morning. What they don't realize is that we just put toys they already had gotten for their birthday and some mum mums I got from the cupboard.