Tripletville Adventures : Willow's Story

Willow just turned one and it was time for her mom Shannon (a friend from university) to tell her story...

What a journey…..

So I read MC’s blog from Aug 5, 15, “A walk down memory lane…”, just like I do most weeks, except this blog took me to place I didn’t know I was avoiding.

Last February I was at work, 35 weeks pregnant, training my maternity leave coverage and trying to figure out how to get all my projects finished or at least manageable in the next 4 weeks…thinking I was being realistic that I could work for at least 4 more weeks. It was my first pregnancy after all. After a long morning of back to back meetings I didn’t feel so well. I called my husband to give him a heads up that I felt off and I was planning to grab some lunch and my laptop and heading home for the afternoon to rest. I decided it was best to call my OB but had to wait until 1:30pm as they don’t answer the phone over lunch. I simply expected them to say “come to the office to be checked and then go home and rest”. The nurse said “I will call you back to 5mins I want to touch base with the OB.” Three minutes later she called back and said you need to get to the hospital as soon as you can. WOW…I was calm until that point and then reality hit me and I was beginning to panic. I still had to drive home from work (which is about 30mins from my home).

My husband met me at home and we went to the hospital. We spent about 7hrs there and it was determined that I was in pre-labour but with rest and reduced activity they were hoping to hold off labour for a long as possible. The next day my loving family came over and washed all my baby stuff and brought food and made me rest. That morning I woke up at 2am and my contractions were 5mins apart…it was time.

After a long labour with a few complications our baby girl was born at 11pm on Feb 5. She was here and taken from me before I could even kiss her head. It was a whirl wind and I couldn’t even comprehend what was going on…but I did hear her cry and I remember thinking that is a good sign…right?

After a couple hours of rest the nurse brought my husband and I to the NICU to meet my baby…HOLY COW…there is no way to prepare for that moment entering a NICU. Not to mention that no one tried to prepare us.

She was sooo small and in an isolette…or as we liked to call it her “Glass Palace”. She was on monitors with wires everywhere. She was 4lbs 12oz which quickly became 4lbs 5oz. I was able to hold her and tried to feed her. It was a weird feeling of wanting to hold on and never let go and being terrified of breaking such a fragile soul.

Among regular healing I was also anemic after birthing. I was a patient in the hospital for 1 additional night. I needed a wheel chair to get to and from the NICU as I was so weak and shakey I couldn’t even get to the bathroom on my own. My primary nurse was the nicest person and told me she wanted me to spend another night to hopefully get my shakes under control. I went to the NICU to feed and visit my baby and came back to the head nurse telling me they were going to discharge me. I asked why as my nurse had said otherwise. She responded with “Hunny a hospital is for SICK people…and you are NOT sick so you are being sent home.” I asked what I was supposed to do since I could barely walk and she repeated “Do you understand? A hospital is for sick people and you are not sick.” She left the room and I bawled. Why was this happening? What did I do wrong? What could I have done to prevent this?

On a side note…when is the health system going to realize you cannot treat physical ailments without also treating emotional and mental wellbeing and vice versa. They are one in the same and it is a vicious cycle. We need to start treating the person as a whole.

My primary nurse came back and she couldn’t believe what had happened and fought for me. I was discharged but given an unused room in the hospital where I could stay and be close to my baby.

That week is a bit of a blur to say the least. Every time I went to see my baby (a minimum of every 3 hrs) I was nervous and anxious yet excited. I think it was the second or third day when I went in on my own (my husband went home to get clean clothes and food) and she was under the bilirubin lights (the light therapy that treats jaundice). She literally was in tanning bed with a cover over her eyes and monitors all over. It scared me as no one had update us and I broke down. What was going on? What does this all mean? The nurses in the NCIU were wonderful. They explained things and helped with everything baby and were very supportive of my husband and I.

With every day Willow grew a bit stronger and feeding was going well. We could cuddle with her during the feed and for extra 15 mins before she had to be back in her glass palace. On day 8 we got the news we’re waiting for…we could go home. We were so excited. Our nurse said now go home and love that little girl and I don’t want to find out you are back in the PEDS unit.

The next day we were back by noon for some more tests. This was weird, we had to go back to the hospital but to the pediatric unit instead of the NICU. After about 1hr or so the doctor came back and said we need to admit Willow. She needed more light therapy. CRAP…bawling again. I felt like such a failure as a mother. We spent two nights in PEDS and were sent home again.

Every single appointment for the first 6 months I was afraid of what they would say. What is going wrong or she’s not growing or developing. It took more than 5 months for us to get her digestive track developed which resulted in many long days and nights but as she got closer and closer to 6 months our little girl was finally out of the 5^th percentile (still only in the 15^th but we’ll take it) and was beginning to catch up in size and developmentally.

On Feb 5, Willow turned 1 year old. She is a beautiful, funny, energized little baby who lights up every room she enters. She is doing well and I believe caught up in everything (in March we have her one year development assessment). She is thriving and makes us the happiest people in the world.

Without our families I don’t know how we would have survived this last year. We love all of you.

When I read MC’s blog back in August all of this feelings rose up in me when I didn’t even realized I had suppressed. It has taken me another 6 months to be able to put my experience into words. Thank you MC for sharing your story and helping me…and I’m sure many others.

Below are a couple pics of Willow.