Tripletville Adventures

I want to make time tonight to say a special I love you to the most important people in my life... I will start with those who have been in my life the least amount of time but hold the biggest piece of my heart...

To my "oldest" Zachary... the kindness in your soul is shining through lately. You will always want to comfort your brothers and make sure that they are ok. You will share your last piece of bacon with Jacob because he is crying even though he himself threw out his bacon 30 minutes before. You never miss a chance to say thank you. When Samuel was crying today, you left your comfy spot in my arms to go rub his head to come right back to me. Your laugh is infectious and tugs at my heart strings. You can almost always be reasoned with and even when your face is at its angriest, there's always a tiny smile peeking out. We call it the frown smile. I hope your kindness grows and no one ever makes you lose faith in people. For these things and for many others past and more to come; I love you.

To my "middle child" Samuel... you have an old soul and you are already wise beyond your short two years. You hate being dirty, you're too cool to get your face painted at daycare but you make the most mess when you eat. You can observe someone new for minutes and minutes without moving. At soccer tots, you didn't participate for the first 5 minutes because you were too busy analysing everything that was happening around you. You always have a smile at the ready and aren't often unhappy. You love TV, no matter what is on, from Little Baby Bum to "Discovering the Lost City of Atlantis" that was on today and you will cuddle right up with us and not move a muscle. We love those moments. You are our flirt, always giving the ladies the eye... I hope you never lose your sense of wonder. For these things and for many others past and more to come; I love you.

To my "youngest" Jacob... where to begin? You're my wild monkey child. You have the strongest personality and you can go from super happy to super angry within seconds. You love to laugh and love to make others laugh and when you find something that will make us laugh, you will do it over and over again. You love your Papa more than anyone in the world. You love to dance, on the floor but most often in our arms. You will dance with anyone who is willing to hold you. You love music and singing even if the words are all over the place. You are my little dare devil who often makes our hearts skip a beat with some of the stunts you try but you most often brush it off with a "THAT HURT" and a laugh and go right back to what you were doing just before. You always want to eat but are very particular about what you want. You are full of life and I hope you never lose that love of living and that your sense of adventure takes you on many amazing, but safe, places. For theses things and for many others past and more to come; I love you.

To my "better" half... haha... We have been together for close to 6 years now and have been through pretty crazy stuff with this triplet business. Keeping a relationship alive through the first few years of a triplet life is really hard and we lived it. Even at our lowest times I knew that you'd never leave. Even at my very worst, in the depths of dark places I found myself in, I knew you'd be there even when I made you doubt. I obviously won't air out all our dirty laundry but thank you for being my rock. I love you for sticking by me even when I hadn't showered in days. I love you for sticking by me when I cried for days when I didn't think I'd make it through the first year. I love you for not being annoyed at my yo-yo dieting and always thinking I could do it. I love you for knowing that a relationship is a two way street and taking your fair share of the blame. I love you for being an incredible father to our boys. They have their hero. I love you for understanding my love, nay, my NEED of wine after a long hard day. I love you for never giving up on us. For these things and many many more; I love you. Happy Valentine's Day babe and a very happy birthday tomorrow.

To my amazing mother... if I am half the mother you've been to me for my boys, I will have achieved success. The hardship you've endured in your life made you into an incredibly tough woman who raised two incredibly tough girls. The way you raised us is part of the reason why I survived the triplet baby years and part of the reason my sister battled her demons. You will drop everything (and HAVE) for us, at the drop of a hat and I would do the same for my children. You have created a balance between us and your own life which I find amazing. Even though I miss you like crazy when you're gone, I admire that you know how to put yourself first sometimes and not losing oneself is a skill. You have shown me how to love beyond measure. When we lost Papa, you instantly became two parents and you did an incredible job. I don't know if I even thanked you properly for that but I want you to know that we made it through that incredibly difficult period because of who you are. It nearly did you in too but you made it through and I'm so glad you did. Merci maman. For this and for the million other things; I love you.

To my sister... f*ck I'm glad you're still here. For the last year and a bit, you've demonstrated the bull hiding inside of you and you are my hero. The decisions you made to make sure you stuck around for your girls and for yourself were instant. You hesitated only for a fraction of a second before knowing, without a doubt, what needed to be done. You knew that the path you chose would be ridiculously hard, as they were, but you battled them as the champion we all knew you were. Your girls have their hero. Maybe they don't understand the depths of your sacrifices but one day they will and they will understand. I have always looked up to you, I have always loved you as my big sister, and now I admire the crap out of you. You also showed me how to be a great mother. I've had the best role models and I hope I continue in your footsteps. For these things and for a million more; I love you.

To my step-dad... I know I don't tell you often, but you've played an amazing role in my life. I lost my Papa young and although no one will ever replace him, I'm glad you were there to be a positive male role model in my life. We have had our shares of disagreements and we are both stubborn as all get out but you've always been there. My boys love you and bloodline is useless when there is that much love. You have shown me the value of hard work and even if you're extreme in your ways, your work ethic has not been lost on me. Thank you for the role you continue to play in my life and for loving my mother when she needed it the most. For this and many other things; I love you.

For my nieces... Gabrielle... I can't believe you're 11. You're growing into an amazing young woman. You were the first tiny human who stole my heart and you will always have that part of me. If you remember that you are surrounded by amazing people who love you more than anything, you will never ever fail. Alexie, I'll start with telling you that you are a good person. I know, like me, you need to hear it so I will tell you. You are loved, you are funny, you are pretty but most importantly, you are loved. You were the second tiny human to steal my heart and your natural way of making us laugh will always be what makes you you. I want to thank you both for loving my boys so much. For these things and for many others and more to come; I love you both.

For my brother in law Eric... you've been in my life now for almost 20 years and you have always been a big brother to me. You've supported me so often I fail to count. You were the rock my sister really needed over the past year and even if it shook you to the core, you knew she needed you to he strong. I can't wait for the boys to get to know you more as they grow up and yes, you can take them hunting... rabbits.... for these and many other things; I love you.

For my in-laws... Claude and Claudine. You both have been indispensable. Claude, you may have missed 5 days since the boys have been born, your love for them is tangible and they're so lucky to have such an amazing grandfather presence in their life that, to them, is almost like a second father. Their eyes light up every time you're around and yours do too and it's clear to see that they are the light of your life. Claudine, you may be a ball of nerves with my overzealous children but we know that it's because you would be completely lost if anything were to happen to any of them. And they love their nerve ball Mémére so very much...so much so that I think sometimes they do stunts just to make sure you're still watching. You both love them as though they were your own, and we would not make it through without you, you make our lives normal. I leave my children in your care without once wondering if they're ok in your hands. We have been beyond blessed to have such support. For all your support, your gifts, your love and so much more, I thank you and I love you.

For the rest of my family... Jeff, Erin, Arthur, Jason, tous les LeBlancs, tous les FitzGeralds we may be apart more often than we'd wish but know that you are in my heart always; I love you.

For my friends... there are too many of you to name but y'all keep me sane. You understand. You listen. You allow my craziness. You allow my insecurities with only slight eye rolling. You support. You are my sisters from another mother. I would not make it without you. For so many reasons; I love you.

There are more reasons to love than to hate in this world and I'm glad I reminded myself of the love that I am surrounded by every single day. I will now go dry my tears while y'all look at these pics of the people I love...

First day at Soccertots! Fun stuff!!

Here they had to go tickle Mom or Dad

Their first jersey!

Morning meeting of the minds

Sam and mommy selfies!

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Heart pancakes I made from scratch this morning! Go ME!

So many selfies of Sam! He's the only one who'll sit long enough to do so.

Sunday morning playdate playmates!

Liam and me selfie!

Oh, here's Wyatt!

LOVE!

Playing Coucou with Pépére

The daycare had face painting on Friday!

Pirate! Can you believe Gab thought he was Anne of Green Gables? lol Oh husband...

Sam did not want his picture taken

Opening their Valentine

Loving all the chocolate... I have to say that this weekend was NOT the healthiest for my sons...

They discovered their love of basketball hockey this weekend... that's a thing right?

Playing with Papa's boots

PJs and fedora basketball

Outakes

BINGO dabber fun

Fun times at the Molson brewery

Fun times with da ladies

With my Valentine

Molson selfie!

Have a good week everyone... and thank you for being part of my crazy journey!

Willow just turned one and it was time for her mom Shannon (a friend from university) to tell her story...

What a journey…..

So I read MC’s blog from Aug 5, 15, “A walk down memory lane…”, just like I do most weeks, except this blog took me to place I didn’t know I was avoiding.

Last February I was at work, 35 weeks pregnant, training my maternity leave coverage and trying to figure out how to get all my projects finished or at least manageable in the next 4 weeks…thinking I was being realistic that I could work for at least 4 more weeks. It was my first pregnancy after all. After a long morning of back to back meetings I didn’t feel so well. I called my husband to give him a heads up that I felt off and I was planning to grab some lunch and my laptop and heading home for the afternoon to rest. I decided it was best to call my OB but had to wait until 1:30pm as they don’t answer the phone over lunch. I simply expected them to say “come to the office to be checked and then go home and rest”. The nurse said “I will call you back to 5mins I want to touch base with the OB.” Three minutes later she called back and said you need to get to the hospital as soon as you can. WOW…I was calm until that point and then reality hit me and I was beginning to panic. I still had to drive home from work (which is about 30mins from my home).

My husband met me at home and we went to the hospital. We spent about 7hrs there and it was determined that I was in pre-labour but with rest and reduced activity they were hoping to hold off labour for a long as possible. The next day my loving family came over and washed all my baby stuff and brought food and made me rest. That morning I woke up at 2am and my contractions were 5mins apart…it was time.

After a long labour with a few complications our baby girl was born at 11pm on Feb 5. She was here and taken from me before I could even kiss her head. It was a whirl wind and I couldn’t even comprehend what was going on…but I did hear her cry and I remember thinking that is a good sign…right?

After a couple hours of rest the nurse brought my husband and I to the NICU to meet my baby…HOLY COW…there is no way to prepare for that moment entering a NICU. Not to mention that no one tried to prepare us.

She was sooo small and in an isolette…or as we liked to call it her “Glass Palace”. She was on monitors with wires everywhere. She was 4lbs 12oz which quickly became 4lbs 5oz. I was able to hold her and tried to feed her. It was a weird feeling of wanting to hold on and never let go and being terrified of breaking such a fragile soul.

Among regular healing I was also anemic after birthing. I was a patient in the hospital for 1 additional night. I needed a wheel chair to get to and from the NICU as I was so weak and shakey I couldn’t even get to the bathroom on my own. My primary nurse was the nicest person and told me she wanted me to spend another night to hopefully get my shakes under control. I went to the NICU to feed and visit my baby and came back to the head nurse telling me they were going to discharge me. I asked why as my nurse had said otherwise. She responded with “Hunny a hospital is for SICK people…and you are NOT sick so you are being sent home.” I asked what I was supposed to do since I could barely walk and she repeated “Do you understand? A hospital is for sick people and you are not sick.” She left the room and I bawled. Why was this happening? What did I do wrong? What could I have done to prevent this?

On a side note…when is the health system going to realize you cannot treat physical ailments without also treating emotional and mental wellbeing and vice versa. They are one in the same and it is a vicious cycle. We need to start treating the person as a whole.

My primary nurse came back and she couldn’t believe what had happened and fought for me. I was discharged but given an unused room in the hospital where I could stay and be close to my baby.

That week is a bit of a blur to say the least. Every time I went to see my baby (a minimum of every 3 hrs) I was nervous and anxious yet excited. I think it was the second or third day when I went in on my own (my husband went home to get clean clothes and food) and she was under the bilirubin lights (the light therapy that treats jaundice). She literally was in tanning bed with a cover over her eyes and monitors all over. It scared me as no one had update us and I broke down. What was going on? What does this all mean? The nurses in the NCIU were wonderful. They explained things and helped with everything baby and were very supportive of my husband and I.

With every day Willow grew a bit stronger and feeding was going well. We could cuddle with her during the feed and for extra 15 mins before she had to be back in her glass palace. On day 8 we got the news we’re waiting for…we could go home. We were so excited. Our nurse said now go home and love that little girl and I don’t want to find out you are back in the PEDS unit.

The next day we were back by noon for some more tests. This was weird, we had to go back to the hospital but to the pediatric unit instead of the NICU. After about 1hr or so the doctor came back and said we need to admit Willow. She needed more light therapy. CRAP…bawling again. I felt like such a failure as a mother. We spent two nights in PEDS and were sent home again.

Every single appointment for the first 6 months I was afraid of what they would say. What is going wrong or she’s not growing or developing. It took more than 5 months for us to get her digestive track developed which resulted in many long days and nights but as she got closer and closer to 6 months our little girl was finally out of the 5^th percentile (still only in the 15^th but we’ll take it) and was beginning to catch up in size and developmentally.

On Feb 5, Willow turned 1 year old. She is a beautiful, funny, energized little baby who lights up every room she enters. She is doing well and I believe caught up in everything (in March we have her one year development assessment). She is thriving and makes us the happiest people in the world.

Without our families I don’t know how we would have survived this last year. We love all of you.

When I read MC’s blog back in August all of this feelings rose up in me when I didn’t even realized I had suppressed. It has taken me another 6 months to be able to put my experience into words. Thank you MC for sharing your story and helping me…and I’m sure many others.

Below are a couple pics of Willow.