First Week Home

Well, we made it through our first week home with our boys... if I thought the NICU was a roller coaster, being home with the boys is something else!  If I'm honest, right now it's not too bad as the babies eat and sleep and that's about it, we don't really need to entertain them right now so it's a good way for us to adjust to being home. After the first few nights, I looked at Gab and said "WOW! How much easier would it be if we had only one right now?" We would be able to take turns?!? We would be able to sleep more than 2 hours stretches?!? Right now we both have to get up for every feeding (every 3 - 4 hours) and even then we have one leftover.  Once the two first ones are fed, one of us starts feeding the third (who has been crying for a while by that point), and the other one of us has to either wash, sanitize or prepare bottles.  Amidst all their different feeding personalities and our tiredness, we still manage to get them all done within a little over an hour, well most times.  Sometimes they wake up quite ahead of time and we cuddle them until they reach at least the three and a half hour mark.  The babies, thankfully for now, go down pretty easily and we don't have to rock them to sleep (like I said... for now), we can put them in their crib awake and they normally fall asleep (most often anyway).  After a week, I've come to terms with the fact that my primary needs have now become secondary to my babies.  I was telling Gabe that every time I feed the babies, I'm either super tired, super hungry or I need to pee and it's not like I can stop to make myself a big steak (not that I did before...haha).  They're lucky they're adorable... I mean, c'mon look at this:

We tried to feed two at once, and they're still a little too little, but it was cute... one day it might work!

I realize Jacob's feet look like they're broken but there are no feet there, the pj is still quite big on him.

 This week we also had our first outing to the hospital's discharge clinic; one of many appointment we have with the boys.  They all gained weight, at least 3 oz in the 3 days since they had left the NICU, and Jacob is very very close to 5 lbs (he must be there by today). The nurse there wasn't the most welcoming of nurses and made us feel like we weren't doing what we were supposed to be doing... We had been feeding the boys every five hours, making them wait by cuddling them and apparently we hadn't been supposed to do that but they're gaining weight so we must have been doing something right, right?  We realized after that visit though that we had been focusing more on our sleeping needs rather than our boys' feeding needs so we re-adjusted our schedule to match theirs.  We sleep less, but they eat better... and that's what the important thing is!!

So on our hospital outing, we got to experience a day out with our triplets with our stroller and how many looks we're going to get every time we step outside of our home with the boys.  We went upstairs to the discharge clinic and we immediately got surrounded by all the nursing staff up there, some who had been in the NICU with us.

We have been told by our friend Matt who has twins and is in a wheelchair (so he has double experience with people looking and commenting...) that the key to avoiding the questions is NO EYE CONTACT.  It's hard for me as I like people and I like to talk with people but if I start when I'm out with the boys, I will never get anything accomplished!!!  My friend Mel, who had been in the hospital with her daughter and husband (aforementioned Matt), found out we were there through a nurse friend of hers, texted me to find out where I was and asked if I'd let her come look at the boys from afar.  Of course I let her!  There had been strangers looking at my boys, so why would I stop one of my best friends?  Of course this made other friends of mine quite jealous and one of my friends, Alicia, also joked that she would stalk the hospital at our next appointment! haha... I am having a hard time not letting my friends come visit because the boys seem to be doing so well but I have to keep reminding myself that they're technically still supposed to be in my belly (although it seems unreal when I look at them) and they're still very vulnerable to all sorts of germs.  I will keep to my original plan and wait until their due date... even then it's going to be quite something because we have about 50 people who say they can't wait to see the boys! We're going to have to have a visiting schedule to allow all those people who want to love our boys!!

We had our first adventure with the boys this week when the power went out.  I immediately imagined the boys not being able to get warm and after 15 minutes and the power not returning, we started scrambling in the dark to get the boys to heat (as if the heat dissipates the moment the power goes out...).  I have such a hard time with them being in their car seats as they look so little and fragile in there and I always think they're choking so having to put them in there in the dark was really hard on me.  We get in the van and I start having a legit panic attack... un-warranted, I know, as they were going to be fine and they weren't going to freeze.  I realize that it was a tad overboard to panic as I did but I couldn't stop imagining the boys choking or having an accident or this or that blah blah blah... but hey, leave me alone, I'm a first time mother!  We ended up at my in-laws, hung out for a while and tried to figure out a place to go sleep if it came to that.  Thankfully I had been texting my friend Alicia who started searching for us (she would have taken us in herself but she has this weird lung thing that is contagious).  Anyways, she thankfully alerted our other good friends (Matt and Mel) of our situation and as you all know we have great friends and they offered to take us in and as we were ready to head over, we got word that our power was back.  Funny enough, about 1 hour after we left our in-laws, their power went out until 4pm the next day!

So I was told that Christmas happened this week... really?!? haha... it flew right by us and so did Santa!  We spent Christmas Eve night re-sterilizing everything as I had forgot to wash everything before I sterilized... this is what it all looked like:

We had some visitors for Christmas day and that was nice, the boys got their first Hot Wheels dinky cars from Matante Cindy & Mononcle Eric.  They got teddy bears from Mononcle Joel and money from the grand-parents.  It really didn't feel like Christmas but it was nice to have family with us!

Gabe had his first encounter with projectile baby stuff this week... and most of you are thinking: Oh No! He got puked on! No no no my friends... he got pooped on! haha... He was changing one of the boys and all I hear is: "MC! HELP!" so I run in from the kitchen and Zachary had apparently not finished pooping and Gabe was helpless as (skip ahead if you're grossed out by poop stories) poop kept coming out of our son's bum like soft serve ice cream! I just started laughing my butt off as I couldn't really do anything to help... he cleaned it all off and I went back to the kitchen to finish what I was doing.  Then all I hear is: "AH!!!", I come back in the living room to find Gabe in a semi-matrix position looking all grossed out.  Zachary had farted and out came projectile poop aimed right at Gabe's chest. He managed to shift his body to the side to avoid a poop shot to the chest but he got some on his arm and there was some on the floor.  We took out the measuring tape to find that our son had reached three feet with his poop fart... HA!  One of many projectile things to come out of our sons!

Things we realized this week... how really expensive it's all going to be, formula alone is going to cost us around 300$/month (more and more as they start eating more and more) but thankfully we got our Jean Coutu gift cards that'll help tremendously.  We also realized that tiredness can make you do/think crazy stuff.  For example, Gabe often takes naps on the couch with one of the boys on his lap and now every time he wakes up, he's sure he's got a baby on him and panics when he can't find them.  I very often can't find my words and have to resort to sign language (or charades really) and sound effects in order to get my words across.  At least Gabe and I should now start winning every charade game we play! We also realized that help is amazing!  My mother is back from Florida and just having her here has made our lives that much easier, we've even gotten out to do our own errands.  This is how we left her today...

Go Mamie Betty!!!  Should we feel bad for leaving her like this??  She doesn't seem to mind one bit! 

All in all, it's been a blast, they're a handful (which will get bigger and bigger) but we laugh often, and try to take in every moment.  We are so in love...

Merry Christmas!!! 

Babies' best bartender! 

Cuddle time with Maman

Dad's first time wearing a baby... this took some effort to get to, video to come eventually! 

Matante Nesha got a special pass to come visit as she's only around a few times a year.
She fell in love! 

xox MC, Gabe and the boys...

NICU week 4 ~ The Road to Homecoming

Well what another crazy roller coaster filled week at the NICU! 

So last Monday, I got to the NICU to find a note by Jacob's bed he had apparently written by himself saying that he had pulled out his feeding tube and he wanted to be like his brothers and eat from a bottle all the time.  He also said that he didn't want to be left behind when his brothers went home so he asked that I didn't put the tube back.  Seeing that my son was so smart, I listened and approved his request.  He did and has continued to do as promised but he is pretty sloppy!!  I swear he ends up wearing most of his milk.  To this day, he still spills most of it.  I think his mouth is still too little to properly grasp the nipple on the bottles and we've tried different nipples with different flows and it's the same story every time.  Oh well, I've just started putting him in a "let's get dirty" shirt and away we go!  He'll learn. 

On Monday I was also told that if things keep progressing the way they had, the boys would most likely come home on Friday.  That made me super happy and nervous at the same time, there was still so much to do!  I decided to take Tuesday "off" (as if taking care of the boys is a job! haha) to clean the house and to buy the rest of the things we may have needed.  So Tuesday I cleaned the boy's room, swept and washed all the floors (trying to get rid of as many Roxy hair as I could) and went to the mall... well I wish someone would have told me what a ridiculous plan that was!!! All I wanted to get a few essentials from Toys R' Us for the boys... I waited in line for a half hour, it was cray cray!  As I head over to the food court to grab a quick bite to eat, I hear my name being called out; it was my friend Meg (and cutiepie daughter Mackenzie) who was having lunch with my other friend Sarah (and HER cutiepie son Isaac).  I got to sit down and have lunch with them, it was great!  Then I head off to Wal-Mart to pick up some formula... well I didn't get any!  I stood in front of them and had a mini break down as I looked at all of them and the different options... low iron, fortified iron, extra blah blah blah, less blah blah blah... I gave up and walked away defeated!  That night we went to pick up car seats from our friends Mel and Matt (who have been so giving it's hard to say how grateful we are) and it was great as they answered a tonne of questions we didn't even know we had!  They clarified the whole formula enigma for us, even helped us figure out how to prepare it (good thing we went as I probably would have poisoned my children...).  

Wednesday was a huge snow storm, I missed it all as it started just before I was dropped off and was over by the time I left. Thank God we got a car starter for Christmas from my in-laws! (Shout out to Audio Crew for installing it as quick as they did too) The day passed as any other, that night we went to visit our friends Alicia and Neil as she said she had stuff for us.  Well of course, having the amazing group of co-workers that I do, she had gathered all sorts of goodies for us!  We got Lasagana, Spaghetti Sauce, sweets, meat pies and all sorts of other goodies.  We were also given a calendar to help organize our life for the next year (thanks Liz, it's already been put to good use!!), some hand made slippers (Thanks Pamela) and amazingly cute onesies (thanks Linda!).  It was really nice to spend an evening with good friends just talking and relaxing, I think those days are numbered! haha... we also stopped by to see our friends Sarah and Chris who gave us chili, muffins and yummy fudge.  It was really nice to see them as well as we won't be seeing much of our friends for the next month as we quarantine the boys until their due date! 

We have been well looked after since this whole adventure started and we continue to be!  I used to work for my friend Josée's weight loss business ( www.yourwayoursupport.com ) and the members have just been amazing also, I got lots and lots of goodies from them as well, thanks gals!!! I miss you all!!! 

Thursday the boys turned 4 weeks!! 

The day started off as a good day as I was ready for the doctor to tell me that Friday was still a go for the boys to come home.  Samuel and Zachary decided they weren't ready and had heart rate drops through the night... this meant no go for Friday as the doctor wanted them to have zero drops for 24 hours.  What sucked was that for the 48 hours prior, they had had none!  We had been so mentally prepared to bring them home on Friday that to be told it wasn't going to happen was a great blow!  It was another tear filled phone call to my dear husband who has been so cool, calm and collected during this whole ordeal, I couldn't have gotten through it without him! The doctor said he'd prefer to wait until Sunday to make sure they're truly ready.  Of course, I wanted them to be as healthy and ready as possible before I brought them home and took them off their heart and lung monitors but I was so sick of the NICU.  The wonderful head nurse came to hug me after rounds were over to tell me that it was going to be ok and as I hugged her I told her "you know I love you all, but I'm so sick of this place..." she laughed as I'm sure she had heard that same sentence time and time again.  It's true, the nurses, the admin assistants, the cleaners,etc... have become such an integral part of my life and I love them all so much (some more than others of course! haha) but I was SO ready to say goodbye to this place!  I decided to take the afternoon to myself anyways and finish what I didn't get done on Tuesday.  I got our car seats inspected, good thing too as I totally didn't know what I was doing! haha...  

Friday came and we decided to talk to the doctor about the possibility of leaving on Saturday due to the storm that was coming on Sunday.  I really didn't want to chance the weather and having to take an already stress filled drive in a storm.  I also didn't want to have to wait until Monday!  He hummed and ahed for like 5 minutes before making up his mind (Jacob had had a small drop over night so that worried him a bit).  Now this was doctor Concrete so I knew that if he agreed that I would feel that the boys would actually be ready! I chose Dr. Mud as the boys' paediatrician so I trust him as well and I'm sure he wouldn't send them home if they weren't ready either but for some reason I'd feel better if Dr.Concrete deemed it so.  After a while he said that if the boys passed their 90 minute car seat test, they could go home on Saturday.  

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

 


So the boys had to stay in their car seats, hooked up to their monitor, for 90 minutes without their heart rates dropping and without their breathing being disrupted.  They did Samuel and Jacob first and I couldn't stay as it was pretty nerve racking so Gabe and I went for lunch to kill some time.  We came back and Samuel had just passed his and there was a half hour left for Jacob and he passed as well!  Then came Zachary's turn... we didn't leave that time and it was a good thing the other boys had to be fed as I would have watched the monitor for the full hour and a half!  Every half hour the nurses would come do a check and it was like Zachary was doing laps and every half hour was another lap finished.  Well as you would expect my boys being my boys (they will most likely be rule followers like their mother and they knew the rule was to pass or they wouldn't be going home), he passed like a champ!  THE BOYS WERE COMING HOME!!!  YEAH!!! and then.... OMG... the boys are coming home... holy shit!!!!!!!!!!!

We spent Friday night in what they call "Care by Parents Room" where the boys stay in there with us and we take care of them as if they were home.  The NICU is right outside the door and we can call for help anytime.

Our NICU hotel room

They came to check on them, and us, once or twice and we had to fill out a form so that they would know we actually fed our boys overnight.  Well it was something else... I didn't sleep too well and neither did Gabe but we made it through and so did the boys so the next day, after the on call doctor approved our leave, we prepared to do just that! The in-laws helped get us out of there and away we went on our first car ride.  Don't they look tiny?!?

WE ARE HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are some lucky that the boys are still so tiny as most of what they do is sleep so we have some time to ourselves to sleep and get some stuff done.  That's nice and is supposed to last until they reach close to term so we may be in for some false sense of reality!!  Of course, they still eat every 4-5 hours but mostly sleep the rest of the time so we also sleep or relax.  If we find they start waking up too early or cry because they have cramps, we find all we have to do is snuggle (which is such a hard task!) and they settle down.  Once they are hungry though, watch out, they are HUNGRY (they take this from both of us... but mostly Daddy) and they mean business!!  The only reason I am able to write this blog is because of this:

Samuel napping on mommy while she writes her blog, Zachary cuddling with Daddy and Jacob slowly waking up in the swing.

We wish you all a very happy holiday season as we enjoy our first Christmas as a family of 5.  Can y'all believe it?? Family of FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!  xox

NICU week 3 ~ We See the Light

Monday was a good day, my little man Jacob hit 4lbs!!!  They have all been switched to eating every four hours which is great because they will already be on a 4-5 hour schedule before they come home which will give us more of a break/sleep time between their feeds.  There are so many negative things I could focus on about my boys being in the NICU but there are so many silver linings... Firstly, there's the fact that my preemie sons are surrounded by the best medical professionals I could ask for 24 hours a day.  Then there's the fact that I am learning to know my boys surrounded by professionals who can answer my every question, not many new moms are that lucky!  Next, I am skipping the every 3 hour feedings  as they will have lived it while in the NICU.  I get to have learning sessions about all sorts of baby related topics given by neonatologists and the most amazing baby nurses (I'm sure they're the best in the world, but I'm biased).  I have been able to almost fully recover while knowing that my sons have the best babysitters by their side taking such good care of them.  You know how some people are just in the wrong profession?  Well I can tell you that's not the case for the Moncton Hospital NICU nurses... sure there are some who may not be people persons, but when it comes to babies, they just ADORE them, it's just amazing as a mom of NICU babies to know that.  There are many other silver linings and it's nice to be able to focus on those things.

The boys are all starting to take the bottle.  Of course, Samuel is our superstar as he started before his brothers but they are catching up. At the beginning of the week, Jacob was showing signs of hunger and wanting to suck but when we put him to bottle, he would suck but didn't know how to swallow so all the formula would end up in his little cheeks and the all over my hands. He'd just look at me as if to say "What mamma?" with the most confused look on his face... poor little man!   He's gotten so much better, he had two full bottles in the last 24 hours, so that's 2 out of 6 feedings!! I'm so proud of him!  He still has his feeding tube because it takes him two tube feedings for him to recover enough energy to suck and swallow a full bottle. But he's getting there!  He wants to catch up to his brothers!! Zachary and Samuel decided they didn't want their nose tubes anymore, they pulled them out! haha... So yesterday we let Samuel spend the day without his to see if he would bottle every feeding and did he ever!  Today was Zachary's turn, he's also doing well!  Our dream of having them home by the date the doctor is predicting (next Saturday!!!!!) is become more and more real!

They all had their hearing and eye tests done, all three passed :-).  I was there for the hearing test but boy am I glad I wasn't there for their eye tests!  They had to take a speculum to keep their little eyes open, put a solution to dilate and then another numbing cream so that they could take pictures of the eyes without them moving around too much!  Preemie babies are susceptible to some type of special eye disease because their retinas weren't fully developed before they were taken out of the womb but they aced their first test.  Go boys!  

So as you can imagine, being a mom of 8 weeks premature babies, you're always waiting for a shoe to drop... my babies are very little and have much catching up to do development wise but they are doing amazing, considering.  My "shoe" came on Tuesday when the doctor was doing his rounds... and it had really nothing to do with the babies!  I asked him how I should prepare my house to see how much sanitizing I should be doing before I bring the boys home.  He told me that I didn't need to sanitize anything, just make sure everything was clean as the boys have to adapt to our environment and this will help develop their immune system.  He then asked if I had a dog and I said yes, he asked if she was an outside dog to which I said no and then he asked if she shed and I said oh yes, lots.  He then looked at me and said "I would think long and hard before bringing premie babies home to your dog"... as tears started pouring down my cheeks, his reasoning behind this devastating statement were a blur as I imagined getting rid of Roxy.  If you know me, you know how much I love my dog.  I got her when I was single and living alone and she became my everything.  She's my baby girl and those of you who have never had a pet can't understand the kind of love that can develop between a dog and its owner and vice versa so losing her was something I couldn't even fathom.  I texted Gab saying that I was going to call him and I was crying but that the babies were ok.  We did some research and talked to other premie moms and decided to keep Roxy. The boys have had zero lung problems and have been as healthy as premie babies can be.  Do not get me wrong here, if there is anything that develops with the boys after we bring them home, we've already found a great home for Roxy but we are willing to take the chance.  Judge us if you must.

I have found my place in the NICU and I feel like I'm part of the team.  Well I'm at least part of my boys' team!  The Family Integrated Care program they are running at the hospital is amazing.  I even developed a tool to help the program.  Of course, I developed it for myself as I was finding it annoying to write all my data on post-it notes and losing them and the nurses assigned to my boys not finding them or asking where I put them... The nurses were really impressed by it but to me, it just made sense.  They are even going to send it to Mount Sinai Hospital in Toronto (the hospital where the program was initiated) as the program directors there were saying that they were having a hard time with the exact thing I was having a hard time with.  So GO ME I guess!  The mom helper that I talked about last week came to talk to me again to ask me if I'd consider joining her team.  In a year's time, when the boys are older and I have more time, I might be asked to become a resource mom.  This means that I would go to the NICU like she does and listen to moms and try to help them get through this difficult time in their lives.  This is right up my alley and I would absolutely love to give back so I really hope that I can do this!!

Yesterday we left the hospital early to have our Christmas dinner as it was the only time that my whole family could get together to celebrate.  Of course I missed the kids, but it was a different feeling.  Most of the other times, I wished I could be with them at the hospital but last night, I wished they could be with me.  I'm not sure if that makes sense but it was a nice feeling.  Makes me feel like I'm ready to have them home with me.  So this next week is going to be about figuring out our life and home to welcome our sons home!!!  If they actually do get to come home on Saturday, they will be exactly a month old, that's pretty sweet!  It has been a long road, but I see the light at the end of the NICU tunnel.  I will miss the staff (so much!!) and even my little routine life I've created for myself there.  I will miss the other moms that I've come to know and connect with but it's time for our children to come home... where we will quarantine them for another month! haha...

We asked my step-brother Jeff and his momma to be girlfriend Erin to be Samuel's God parents, they happily accepted.  Here's their first photo all together :)

More pics of the week:

Finally, just in case you wanted to see it and you missed it, here is a way to get to the interview we did on Sunday... Just go select "Emission du 8 decembre" (the little video camera).   We are about 12 mins 30 seconds in.
http://www.radio-canada.ca/emissions/telejournal_acadie/2013-2014/integrales.asp

NICU Wk 2 ~ More Milestones

Since there is so much to remember because each day is filled with new progress, this blog will be in the form of a week at a glance...

Monday
New doctor on call... now I was told that this doctor would be much different than the doctor then boys had been seen by the previous week and boy were they right!  I'd say this new doctor is to mud as the other doctor is to concrete... He is so much more easy going and going with the flow as the previous doctor was more to the point and scientific... I'm glad I had the concrete doctor the first week because I think I needed hard facts about my babies' health and I needed to hear scientific data behind all of what was happening and the reasons why.  Since I'm a little more relaxed and a little more accustomed to the noises and hustle and bustle of the NICU, the easy going mud doctor is ok.  He came in on his rounds on Monday morning, asked me a few questions about how the boys were doing and he was glad to see that the boys' incubator temperature was finally matching the outside air.  He looked down on Zachary and said "Do you want to come out of there little man?", I'm sure Zachary shook his head yes (I wasn't beside him, but that's what I tell myself! HA!).  Normally, they would have waited until their incubators were due to be changed, which was Wednesday, but I was there and I heard the doctor say they were ready (Yes, even little Jacob he said), so there was no way I was waiting until Wednesday to see my boys in their big boy beds!!  The nurse wasn't too happy, but she was fine after a while, I mean, they look so friggen adorable in their new beds!!  They even got a little graduation certificate!!  

It's so much easier to get to them now, I am even feeling comfortable taking them off their heart and lung monitor long enough to cuddle.  Of course, I always have to watch them for signs of any distress when they are off their monitor because they are still too little to always remember to do everything that a body is required to do so the nurses make sure to remind me to plug the monitors back in if I end up falling asleep with them on me.  Samuel has been showing signs of sucking so we decided to see if he would take the bottle, and he did!  He didn't get too too much out of it and was pooped out after 10 minutes, but it's a start.  They say the requirement for them to get out of here is they all have to have 48 hours of bottle feed at every feed.  I don't know how we're going to get there with Sam being pooped out after 1/3 of his bottle gone but they say they'll get there soon than I think, so I just gotta keep trying!  I went to visit my friend Josée in the E.R. tonight as her little girl had hurt her finger.  Gabe and I sat down for about a 5-10 minute conversation and all of a sudden her little girl coughs and I ask her if she is sick and then my heart drops as I lift my head and look around... GERMS GERMS GERMS EVERYWHERE!!!! What in the hell were we thinking???  We were currently sitting in the most infectious part of the hospital with babies in the NICU!!! We hightailed it out of there as quick as we could... First of our stupid parents moment, I'm sure there are more to come... Had you asked me a month ago how I felt about germs, I would have told you that germs are good for people, it builds up a strong immune system, that it's the reason why I hardly get sick as my mother was never paranoid about germs.  I guess to a point this is true, but not when your babies are 9 weeks premature!  In the NICU, you drop something on the ground, you can't touch it.  I've gotten so used to that that now, if I drop something on the ground outside of the NICU, I think it's lost to me forever.  We were walking up some stairs the other day and I dropped a pen and I looked at it in defeat.  Gabe asked me what's wrong and I said "I lost my pen!" and then I'm like oh yeah! I CAN pick it up!! Hand washing will never be the same again...

Tuesday
First 24 hours out of the incubator and the boys passed! They are all maintaining their temperatures which means that they can stay in their big boy beds!!! Go boys!!! The doctor tells me today that the boys may come home in 2 weeks... scary stuff!  I will have the NICU on speed dial!  Do you think they'll mind if I kidnap three of their nurses?  I promised to feed them well!!  It's also scary because I know that people will say "Well they're home now, why can't we visit?", well just because they're ok to be out of the NICU doesn't mean they're ready for the real world.... the doctor said that I had them at the worst possible time because it's cold and flu season and their bodies are not going to be ready to fight those nasty microbes.  I will just have to put my foot down and hope people understand that my boys come first.  We are told that they should be ok to accept visitors around their due date (Jan 18th) so that's the timeline we're going to stick with... It'll give us time anyway to establish a routine at home so by the time their due date comes around, we should be triplet pros... (hahahaha, now that's a laugh!!)  I had a small scare today when Jacob sounded like he had trouble breathing but our wonderful nurse Michelle gave him some saline and sucked some boogers out of his nose and he sounds a little better.  They say his lungs sound fine and the physiotherapist tells me his tone is that of a healthy baby so I shouldn't worry too much.  I'm told it's because the air is so dry out of their incubators that it's normal.  It's true that it's dry, Gabe lost his voice being here last weekend and I'm always clearing my throat....  Samuel took the bottle again, taking a bit more in everyday, his brothers are showing signs of sucking, so we'll try them later this week. 

Samuel's first time at the bottle... his face says "Milk Drunk!"

 I'm starting to feel more at ease here, I know most of the nurses and I try to create rapport with all the nurses so that I don't feel like I'm leaving my kids with strangers.  It works as most of them are no longer strangers to me and I try to make sure I know who is with my babies overnight so that I can feel comforted by the fact that I know that they'll be well taken care of.

Friday
Here I skip to Friday because Wednesday and Thursday were just a blur... I'm becoming the primary care giver to my boys and the fact that they are starting to take to the bottle just makes my days busier and busier!  The boys turned 2 weeks on Thursday!  

Aren't they sweet?  They are eating more and more everyday!  As their weights increase, so does the amount of food they can take in.  The doctor decided to calculate their food intake based on the biggest triplet's weight so poor little Jacob has to take as much as his big brothers!  He's taking it all in though!!  I was visited by a mom who had been in the NICU with her twin girls for a really long time.  She's part of the support team in the NICU and she was really nice and she really understands all that we go through.  I can't wait to talk to her again because when she was there, it was so busy and I wasn't able to really talk to her.  We were informed that day that we were going to get interviewed by the local French news station.  I wasn't sure how I felt about this as they wanted to come in the NICU and take pictures and videos of us and the boys... I don't allow my extended family nor my best friends in the NICU so I wasn't too keen about letting complete strangers in but then I figured it would be a good memory for the kids to have when they are older.  We went to visit my aunt on Friday night as my cousin had won the "when will the triplets be born?" BINGO from my shower and we wanted to drop off the money.  To my surprise, my uncle and aunt from Campbellton were also there as their daughter was playing volleyball.  What was meant to be a quick visit/money drop off turned into a really good and fun evening with family.  Every time I leave the hospital, my heart and head remains there so it's nice sometimes to let that go and have a good time without always being NICU focused...

Saturday & Sunday
The boys are continuing to thrive!  Zachary and Samuel are at a constant battle of the biggest.  Every day they pass each other with their weights.  One day Samuel is the biggest and the next, it's Zachary... they are currently hovering around the 4lbs 4oz.  Jacob hasn't hit the 4lbs mark yet, but he's getting there little by little.  His little cheeks are starting to fill out. He's still feeling a little under the weather... this of course makes me quite nervous as I'm always scared that it'll start getting into his lungs and then that would be cause for concern.  The doctors and nurses all tell me that he's ok, that his breathing is not laboured, his tone is not different and there is nothing wrong with him except for a little bit of congestion, which is normal.  Tonight I didn't want to leave his side as he didn't sound too good... I went to the nurses desk and I just broke down.  The nurse who had been taking great care of the kids all day and saw my confidence and my "easy goingness" got worried right away and I was trying to tell her that I was worried about Jacob and all I could get out was "Jake...Jake...Jake..." between sobs and tears so we quickly head to Jacob's cot and of course, he stopped making his worrisome noises.  After a while he started again and she saw what I was talking about but she reassured me again that it was all normal and he may just have a sore tummy... I hope that it is all normal... my poor little man...
Last night it was Gab's xmas dinner.  I wasn't sure at first I wanted to go but between Gab, my family and the nurses, I was convinced that I needed a night out so I went.  The fact that this dinner was at The Keg and I could eat a medium rare steak and drink some wine was very appealing as well.  I only cried once...haha!   Of course the night and the food was great, but the hot topic of conversation was of course the boys so you can't fault me for being a little emotional!  I did have a really good time though, it actually felt good to let go and the wine helped of course!  Today was our interview with the local news station so we dressed the boys us in their best Christmas gear. 

Jacob is waiting for his kiss!! 

Samuel looks like a little elf with that hat (it's normally in his face...hehe)

Zachary is chillin like a villain... this is how he loves to sleep...

A shot from the interview

 It's a good thing we got picture when we did because the moment I changed Jacob after it was all over, he peed all over his new outfit!  Of course, Jacob is my pee guy, I swear he pees every single time I change him, it never fails!!  Anyways, the interview went quite well, they got a lot of good pictures and we got to say a lot of, good information.  Of course they didn't put it all in the segment like the program that the hospital runs that lets parents do most of the non-medical caring and all the benefits of this but it was still a good report.  If you've seen it, remember that the camera adds ten pounds and even more important, a triplet pregnancy adds 90! haha...  I've lost about 50 of it so far, mostly water weight from my tree trunk legs.  I actually got to put my normal boots on this week!! Score!!! 

Well this is the end of another eventful week in our lives... everyday feels like a week, so many things happen and every day is so important in their development so my book long posts shall continue next Sunday!  

First week in the NICU

So during the first weekend in the NICU with the babies, it was all very hectic with all the new machines and the sights and sounds of our new surroundings.  I didn't know what was what and I didn't know my role and I felt in the way and I honestly didn't even feel like the babies were mine.  I still wasn't discharged and I still felt like crap. My body was still in recovery, I walked pretty much the same way I had at the end of my pregnancy; my back was all out of whack due to the fact that I was no longer pregnant and my body was trying to re-adjust itself.  I could barely look at my babies because their incubators were so tall and my back hurt so much that I had to sit down every minute, so that sucked.  I didn't understand anything that was going on, all I knew was that Samuel was eating well, Zachary wasn't really tolerating formula (he spit up a lot) and Jacob couldn't even digest even one millilitre of formula.  The doctor on call decided to change all of their milk to a lactose free formula to see if they could tolerate it.  She also suggested I start pumping to see if Jacob would tolerate my milk better... that caused my first break down!  I had already decided that I wasn't going to pump/breastfeed as there was no way that I would be able to do this at home or wanted to so when she said that it might help Jacob digest better, I immediately panicked and broke down thinking that if I didn't give my baby breast milk, he may be sick and I would be the cause of this... so I started pumping, I didn't get much at first but after a while I was producing enough to feed all babies.  I decided to just keep pumping while I was in the NICU because I was producing enough milk and I had time.  Jacob and Zachary were placed under a type of black light to help fight their jaundice.  They had to wear these eye protectors just as if they were at a tanning booth, so that's what I kept telling myself; they were simply getting a tan!  Our little area looked like the electric circuit of the NICU! 

Don't worry Maman, I'm just tanning! 

Monday comes around and the babies' regular doctor comes back and finds out what the doctor on call decided, he didn't understand why the doctor on call had switched them all to the lactose free milk so he put them back on regular formula.  He said it's not about the type of milk, it's about getting the gut to digest as it's so little and it just doesn't know its job yet.  He also said that Jacob's case is the norm, not exception for preemies.  I went home for a night to get rest, it felt nice to be in my bed but finding it hard to be away from hospital, I broke down when we left as I felt like I was a bad mother leaving my babies and I broke down again before going to sleep (after having said good night to Gabe and him thinking that all was well).  All of a sudden I just start picturing my little mens' little lips and I just start crying, uncontrollably... poor Gabe has to comfort me and he doesn't even know what's wrong and what's worse I can't tell him anything because I can't really explain it!  I'm feeling better every day but it's still a struggle. 
  
Weighed myself Tuesday morning... I had lost 30 lbs since last Wednesday (40 if you count the 10lbs gain)!   My belly button is slowly returning to its former inny status.  Little by little I look a little less pregnant every day and I was even starting to feel better about myself!   After the comment from the lady at the hospital, I tried to stay away from the public who wouldn't understand but then I went to pick up a package and a lady says "I have a cousin who's pregnant as well...".  I mean, again, I know I still look pregnant but the comments were unnecessary...   Gab tells me to tell people who comment "triplets bitch!!" à la Breaking Bad Jesse style.  I get to the hospital and am happy to learn: no more lights for the boys!  They've tanned enough and their jaundice is gone!! Way to tan babies!!  That day, I signed up for a program called Family Integrated Care... This is the program I was talking about in my last blog that the Moncton hospital has adopted due to a study started by Mount Sinai hospital (it's not a US hospital at all but a Toronto one).  The study found that the more the parents were involved, the better the babies did and the sooner they went home.  Of course, I'm all for that!!  I knew it was going to be a lot of work because I have to do it times three but I'll have to do it times three for the rest of my life!  Gabe and I were talking and were saying that in a way, we were happy that the babies got a little bit of time in the NICU because we are learning to do sooooo many things!  I've learned so many things and the babies are already all on a three hour schedule which will make the transition to home so much easier!  Having had them come home with us right away would have been a disaster!! I know we would have figured it out, but I'm almost glad I get to learn little by little.  I'm there at 8 am every morning, I change their diapers, take their temperatures, help with the feeding (I'll actually be feeding them once they start taking the bottle) and try to do kangaroo care as much as possible.  Skin to skin contact with the mom (or the dad) is a very important part of preemie growth as it helps regulate their temperature (which they can't do on their own hence the incubators), it helps regulate their heartbeats (the sound of my heart helps their little hearts remember to beat) and it also regulates their breathing, for the same reason as the heart.  There are many other advantages to having skin to skin contact, read up on it, it's pretty interesting!  The rest of my day consists of assisting to doctor rounds, the doctor goes to check every baby and makes sure they're doing what they're meant to be doing and then figures out what comes next for our babies.  He also makes sure that all our questions/concerns are answered and addressed.  I have also been an advocate for my babies and sometimes the nurses don't communicate everything as they can't remember everything for every baby, and I'm there all the time so I'm able to answer questions he may have that the nurses doing rounds with him can't answer.  After rounds, I attend an information session at 11 given by various health professionals.  This week it was about feeding our babies, then an occupational therapist came to talk to us about preemie positioning to help us understand how to position our babies so that their muscles develop the way they would have if they were still in mommy's tummy and then we had a session about preemie medication and why they are given what they are given and what they'll have to continue getting once they come out.  These sessions are nice because I got to meet and communicate with other moms in the same stage as me and also some that were way ahead and were able to tell me that it gets better... 
The NICU is a tough place to be in and I wish I would have known how hard it would be being there..  I wish I would have known how intimidating all the machines and IVs and probs would be.  I wish someone would have warned me that leaving your babies for a night would tear your heart right out of your chest.  I wish I would have known how much you'd feel in the way and feel useless as your babies just lie there in their little incubators.  I wish I would have known how hard it would be to still be a good wife when every ounce of your heart is wrapped up in that little corner of the hospital.  I wish I would have known that one silly little mistake could give your baby an infection they just can't fight so you're always worried that you'll be the one to do just that.  I just wish I would have known how incredibly hard it would be.  

Thursday:
Boys are a week old!!!!! It's crazy how much progress they make in one week!

Jacob reached 3lbs!!! Zachary is also growing at a steady rate, almost at his birth weight and Samuel has surpassed his birth rate and is at 3lbs7oz!!
All three boys got one monitor taken off as their stats have been consistent... hurray for one less wire!!  Samuel has gotten rid of all his extra probes, all he has left is what he will have until release day which is his feeding tube and his heart and lung monitor, so much easier to manipulate him and get to him which is why he's the one getting the most cuddles right now.  Doc says that the other two boys should have the rest of theirs off by the weekend.  This makes me happy as one of their tubes is in their belly button and if that gets mistakenly pulled out it could be very bad.  I am now feeling quite confident about taking their temp (must do at every 3 hours as this will help us determine if they can hold their own body temp and if they can, they could be moved to a cot bed and no more incubators!! Hurray!!), I'm becoming a pro at changing their diapers around 4 - 5 different wires and making the preemie diaper even smaller to accommodate their little chicken wing limbs... I am also learning how to weigh them and soon will learn how to bathe them!! Within a week, I should be doing most of the non medical stuff and this will help the nursing staff quite a bit.  They are learning to suckle on their pacifiers so this means we will soon be introducing bottles and see if their brains have developed the art of sucking, swallowing and breathing at the same time... Right now this task is complicated as they can do one or two of those things at the same time but that's it so we need to make sure they have their soother in when they are being tube fed as this will make them realize they can still suck and breathe as they are swallowing.

Friday and weekend....
SO many milestones!!!!  The boys are all off their extra IVs as they are tolerating their maximum feeds and they have all surpassed their birth weight!  I gave Zachary his first bath...

He didn't even cry... he loved it!!! Unlike his brother Sam who cried almost the whole time... lol

I know it looks like I'm choking him but I'm really not! 

I just loved getting my hair washed mamma!!!

Jacob will be getting his first real bath on Monday.  I am so much more involved now and that means that my days as quite crazy busy, I get out for a quick lunch and that's about it until 7 when I get kicked out... haha.  Other milestones... I got to hold them all together and so did Daddy, they are wearing onesies which means they are able to control their own body temperature and once they all reach about 4 lbs, they will be moved to "big boy beds" which are the cots that full term babies sleep in.  I think by Wednesday this might happen so more milestones coming next week!!!  As little as they are, let me tell you how blessed we've been... being in the NICU, I see a lot of heartaches and tears.  Some babies who are born way before they're due to and pass away and some who are born exactly when they are due to and have so many complications... We had THREE babies, born 9 weeks premature and they are amazing... yes, very little but oh so resilient and healthy!  Sometimes I wonder when the shoe will drop and that scares me but there is nothing that indicates that there will be a shoe dropping of any kind. All good things are happening... The program I'm on is very adamant about mothers getting their rest and their "me" time so once I start being able to drive again I will be coming home at nights and relaxing and taking care of me as much as possible and the babies thriving as well as they are, it will make it easier for me to do just that.  Right now, I'm back with them at 8:15pm until about 10, then I go to sleep for about 4 hours and come see them again to pump.  It's always right around another feeding time, so I always end up helping out and stay for about an hour and then go back to sleep for about another 4 hours and the cycle begins again.  Tonight I was able to tear myself away after 3 o'clock to go to my mom's house for supper.  I felt sick leaving them, but there was no breakdown because now when I think about their little lips, it makes me smile, not cry.  This was a test to see if I'd be able to go home every night... I'm even considering going to Gabe's Christmas staff supper next Saturday...  Maybe I'll be able to hold it together until the waiter mentions baby back ribs or baby carrots or anything baby related... and what to wear??? man oh man...  We will see, but you can just imagine having to leave your babies... All I know is that they have the best babysitters around, the nurses are honestly the best!!!  I just have to keep telling myself that if mommy isn't in a healthy place physically and emotionally then the babies lose out... right?  Anyways, sorry this was so long winded!!!  Here's a few pics of our wonderful little family!!!