When I thought I knew better...

As we were driving to Cap-Pélé today to go watch my nieces play ringuette, it occurred to me that something was happening that I swore I would never do when I became a mother: we were listening to annoying children's songs!!! I always said that my boys would grow up listening to bands I liked and would be singing along to Bruno Mars or Finger Eleven or even Taylor Swift but not Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!  I wanted them to be my little trio band rocking out and then we'd get on Ellen (haha).  Instead we listened to the likes of Three Little Kittens Lost their Mittens and Mr. Tulman and Twinkle Twinkle.  So instead of little rockers, I have three little boys who like annoying baby music.  It's kind of ok because they're darn cute while they're singing along.  I would much rather hear them sing Bruno Mars from their cribs, but listening to them rock out to Tinkle Tinkle Liddle Sta... How wow wow Der wah wah wah is good enough for me.  I was going to be the perfect cool parent and then I became a parent... This got me thinking about what else I swore that I wouldn't do that I now do:

#1 - Already talked about... no baby music in the van

#2 - No TV until they're two.  HA!   That is all... 

#3 - No English music or TV at home... While we listen to CJSE in the kitchen and have a few TV shows in French that we like, there are so many others in English to choose from!  I still want to go back to that rule though, well at least for the TV.  We're going to start PVR-ing the shows we (they) like and watching those.  I know that it won't always be the case but we are very adamant that our life at home is 90% French.  We still have a few favorite books in English and we'll listen to English songs but for the most part I'd like to keep that part of our lives up.  

#4 - Rear facing until they're at least two.  We broke that rule this week.  They're 23 months so I can say that we almost got there. 

#5 - Feed them crap.  As much as I tried to stick to that rule for a long time, there are still a few times a week that the boys will eat whatever I know they'll stick in their mouths.  I do the healthy smoothie with spinach, I do the healthy oatmeal pancakes with real maple syrup or honey, I even do the give the fruit/veggie at every meal because eventually they'll eat it trick.  It doesn't always work and they sometimes end up eating eggos, and peanut butter and ketchup have become a staple in my house. 

#6 - Use food for bribe.  Before the boys I told myself that there must be other ways to bribe your children to be good.  Like properly disciplining them for example.  Again I must say HA!  Food is the only thing that works when one of the boys is losing his mind down aisle six in Superstore.  The very thought of a snack will stop any of my two year old from wanting to jump out of the cart to their demise.  I still try to stick to my guns because I can already see that if I gave in to Zachary every time he wanted a snack, he'd be a very pudgy two year old.  

#7 - (This one come from Gab).  Let them have tantrums... Our children would be disciplined therefore there would be no tantrums... HA...HA...HA... I think that was the biggest lie we told ourselves.  OF COURSE our children will have tantrums!  No matter how much sign language we teach them, there are still a) things they can't communicate or b) things they want but can't have.  Since the boys have been forward facing in the van, all they want to do is be in the front seats and play with all the fun buttons go vroom vroom.  Well we've resorted to ordering a pet barrier to keep them from coming up front. 

There are still a few things I'm sticking to my guns about like limiting electronic devices as much as possible and they rarely have fast food but I've quickly realized that there are things that are out of our control and if our adventures can be free of some tantrums because I give in once in awhile then that's what it'll be.   

Examples of things I'm still hoping that I will be able to stick to my guns on:  no pop until they're 10 and they'll be out of the house by the time they're twenty... and so many other things I'm sure I'll drop the ball on but hey, I'm just a mom doing the best she can.  

Sunday confessional anyone?  What is it that you do that you promised you'd never do? 

Our week...

Sunday night Jacob kept us up almost all night.  He may have slept in his crib five hours maximum out of his usual 12.  For those of you who prefer percentages, that's 40% of his night.  The rest of the time was split between our bed and rocking with me in the living room.  Needless to say I didn't get much sleep.  I think this started my own sick week.  I had a parent teacher night on Wednesday and I could hardly speak to the parents.  By Thursday morning I sounded like a man and hardly got through my day.  Before I had kids, I almost NEVER got sick but now my immune system is crap.   On Monday morning we had our first front facing drive since Florida.  Aside from wanting to be in the driver's seat, the boys were mostly excited.  Sam was a little less so but it may have been from the kick in the face he got from Zachary 5 minutes prior to the drive.  On Tuesday Gabe took the boys to their pediatrician's appointment.  Jacob and Zachary are in the 21 lbs range and Samuel is just over 23 lbs.  The car seats say that 22 lbs is the minimum for front facing but our pediatrician (who is amazing and also a high risk neonatologist so I trust him implicitly) said that the weights are guidelines so the company can cover their asses and he's perfectly ok with the boys turning around.  I'm still scared that something is going to happen and I'm going to blame myself but that's the life of a mom I guess.  The worryness will never go away.  I had my monthly book club get together on Tuesday night.  As always, it was an amazing night.  I love those girls so much!  It was such a long week!  I was contemplating taking a day off to let my body heal but as a teacher, taking a sick day is almost more work than sucking it up and going to work.  I actually took a nap at the same time the boys did today instead of doing the million other things I could do.  I'm hoping this cold goes away soon... Anywho... here are some minimal pics: 

My mom babysat for us on Thursday night so that Gab and I could go to a Acadian Country show that was a fundraiser for the Tree of Hope.

My adorable front facing trio loving annoying Twinkle Twinkle little star.. 

Lineup for Boo at the Zoo! I have to say that it we still got in within twenty minutes.

The boys refused to wear costumes so they ended up with bear tuques.  We still got a lot of "Awe! Three little bears!". 

They weren't the BIGGEST fans of the zoo but they still had fun! 

We were going to let them out at this point to run around with the goats but we were scared they wouldn't go back in the wagon.

The boys were showing each other some love today.

My three little bears enjoying the ringuette game. 

My step-dad Winston loving watching the game with his boys.

He was trying to hold two babies at once.  That only lasted about 5 seconds.

Can you guess who we are?  We had our Halloween staff party on Saturday night, we had a really good time.  Thanks Julie and Denis!!

So we had preemies...

I went to a conference on Friday to represent the Moncton Preemie Power group.  This conference was put on by the Canadian Premature Baby Foundation and it was to talk about how to involve parents in the care of the preemies that are held in the NICU and we also wanted to see how we could help the family once they were back home.  I was "lucky" enough in my situation that my babies were pretty much guaranteed a NICU stay so I already knew ahead of time and I was somewhat prepared for that to happen.  I don't think that most people who are pregnant with a singleton ever think of the possibility of pre-term labour nor do they envision a Neonatal Intensive Care stay.  The fact that I knew may have prepared me for the knowledge that they may end up in there but it did not prepare me one tiny bit about the actuality of it.  The NICU is a very scary place and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone.  Yes, my babies were, for the most part, just what we NICU vets like to refer to as growers and feeders but they still went through tremendous steps to get there.  They were rushed away from the operation room, two of them had to be put on oxygen for a little while, they had wires coming out of their feet, their wrists, their bellybutton, their nose, their mouth... How many term babies go through that?  I didn't get to hold by babies right after their births, I wasn't even SHOWN my babies as they were taken out of my failing body.  I didn't get to see my babies for 22 hours after they were born, I had to name them from a picture.  I didn't get to hold by babies for almost a week after their birth.  I don't have that amazing exhausted mom clutching her newborn close to her chest picture.  The first pictures of my babies are ones of chambers and tubes and incubators and tiny tiny tiny limbs.  The first time I met my babies I was wheeled in the NICU and rolled to each of my boys' incubators one at a time, careful to fully sanitize my hands in between each of them so I wouldn't unknowingly infect them with a disease they couldn't fight because they were still meant to have TWO WHOLE MONTHS in my belly!  Do you know how much babies grow in ONE DAY in the womb?  I learned at the conference that my boys didn't even have half of their antibodies built up when they were born.  Most of my friends and family were really understanding when I asked them to stay away from us for a while because I knew how frail they were.  Still today, at almost two years of age, I had to give Sam and Jacob some puffers because a common cold goes directly to their little lungs.   The day I met them is a day that will forever be ingrained in my memory.  I was in such pain that I could hardly raise my arms high enough to put through the incubator arm holes.  I was only able to put my hand on each of their little body for a little while.  I have a video of my first meeting and I still can't get through it all because the memory of it is still too painful.  You know the joy you're all told when you grow up of seeing your babies for the first time?  I won't lie, there was some joy, but mostly I was feeling so so sad, really scared and really angry.  I cried night after night while separated from them.  I didn't even really feel like a mother.  I went in to see them everyday and all I could do was sit there and watch other people take care of them for about a week because I couldn't really stand up for longer than 2 minutes.  I often joke that I'd like another baby.... people often tell me that I'm crazy.  What I truly long for is a normal pregnancy, a normal delivery where I can bond with my baby the moment he/she comes out of me and a normal 1-2 day hospital stay where my baby is mine from day 1 and I can take him/her home when I go.  Those are all things that I'll never get to experience. You may tell me that all is good now and shouldn't I be glad that my babies are home, healthy and amazing little boys?  Of course I'm glad of all that, but it doesn't take away from the trauma that brought them into this world.  I don't often get to tell my story because I feel like either people don't want to hear it, or they won't get it, or people don't care or people think that I should just get over it.  I promise you that I will never get over it.  While at the conference I got to hear a few stories from other mothers of preemies and I am really glad that ours was a story of success because some of the ones I heard from were very difficult to hear.  I know that I'm a cryer but breaking down almost every time I saw a picture of a baby looking exactly like my boys started out tells me that I haven't really gotten over it.  Maybe it's because I don't talk about how truly traumatizing our experience was.  Maybe I should have been encouraged to... talk about it I mean.   I acted so put together while there but that was just my Type A personality taking over.  I think the true me was in a daze hiding underneath it all always waiting for the shoe to drop.  I don't think that feeling has ever truly left me.  I know all moms worry about something happening to their babies, don't get me wrong.  I just think that I will never live down how their life started.  I know they'll be two soon and therefore officially off their preemie status but what about down the road?  Some of the moms this weekend were talking about the fact that the "preemie-ness" of their children didn't show up again until school started and some premature related problems started surfacing.  I know the boys seem like they are amazing little humans but we can never forget that they were born at only 32 weeks.  I certainly won't.

This is why I decided to become a parent volunteer at the NICU to try and offer my ear to other moms (or dads) going through these types of feelings and experiences.  I believe being able to talk about the fear, the anxiety and overwhelming feelings of hopelessness to someone who's been there is one of the things that could potentially help someone get through their NICU stay.  I also believe that these families not only need help while they're in the NICU but also after they're out.  I was lucky enough to have a very supportive husband and a mom who was amazingly kind enough to move in with me after the boys came home (on top of being with my almost every single day at the NICU).  I am also lucky to have the support of my sister and my incredible in laws.  We are also lucky here in New Brunswick to be supported by public health nurses.  What about the moms who may be leaving their place of comfort (because that's what NICU becomes) completely alone?  What about those moms who just feel so alone and scared while they're back home?  I'd like to see what I can do about supporting those families too.  Whether it be a food train or just a drop by for a coffee chat and baby watching while mom sleeps for a few hours.  Once the boys are older I'll be able to help more but I'm sure that there are things I can do now.  Thankfully, I learned so much at the CPBF conference that I can't wait to share with the Moncton Preemie Power group and our awesome leader Jenna to see what we can do to help while the families are preparing to enter the NICU (high risk pregnancies), while they're in the NICU and after they leave.

So we decided to turn their car seats around this weekend.  The boys are just a month shy of being two years old (TWO!!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?) so I think we did good for how long we held off turning them around.  We wanted to switch it all around before the snow came.  I really think the boys were ready but I'm not quite sure I am.  Just like everything else being a mom of a preemie leaves you with is a feeling that your child is just way too little for everything.  I hate when the boys aren't eating because I think they're not going to grow.  I hate that they still only fit into 12 month waist because I think they're not growing enough.  I hate that they are still in the low 30th percentile of their weight every time we get them weighed.  I think they'll be fine... most of my friends turn their babies around the moment their babies turn one.  I'm sure their babies are well over the 22 lbs limit though... I just have to realize that they're growing and although they'll always be preemies, I can't keep them in a cocoon forever.  It's not often that I let my husband make the decisions in regards to the boys but in this case, I'll let him convince me that it's ok because otherwise the boys will be rear facing until the age of 5.

Alright... I'll tell you the rest through the tiny amounts of pictures I have... xox

My Toronto Selfie before heading out to dinner.  LOVING MY YOUNIQUE MAKEUP!!!!!!!

Hello TORONTO!!!!!!!!!!!

Chandelier in the entrance of the restaurant 

The wonderful wine that accompanied a great diner...

My badge

How cute is this?  This artist took pictures of preemies and photoshopped them to create an image of what they could be when they grew up.  Click on the following link for more adorableness -->  From NICU to the Moon 

Here we go folks... first ride with momma tomorrow morning! 

He's way too small right?!?!?

My bathtub this weekend...

Tearing out walls... 

All for a good cause! 

Finally stacking my washer and dryer!!!  Thanks husband, Claude and my step-dad Winston for being awesome!

That's all folks!

                              

Happy Day of Thanks!

I like that we have a day set out special in the year where we get to tell our whole world, mostly through Facebook, what we are thankful for.  I wish people would do it more often than just the one day.  I don't believe we tell people around us often enough how thankful we are for them and so I will try very hard to tell people more often.  Maybe you should all take the same vow.  My triplet mom group is planning a day of paying it forward this week and I think it's great and I can't wait to take part.  This is another thing that I feel we should just DO.  Be kind!  We were talking at work the other day about how being kind is just the key to so many things in our lives.  I wish more of my students were more kind to one another.  I'm struggling with going back to work tomorrow because I have to deal with a class situation that I really don't want to deal with.  I just don't know how to explain to a group of 25 teenage student that being kind is the key to happiness in this crazy world.  I'm lucky (and of course so very thankful) to be surrounded at work with women who are just very nice to one another.  They make it easy for me to go to work every day.  Even if we make fun of each other every once in awhile, we do it out of love.  Most of us have been teaching together for 8 years or more and the newer girls just seem to fit right in.  We really truly care for one another and would do just about anything to ensure the happiness of the other.  How do you translate that to teenagers who would rather run around my classroom like a bunch of 5 year olds using markers as weapons of mass discoloration?   How do you make them understand that what I am trying to teach them isn't just mathematics but work ethics?  I am truly thankful for my job and for the students I get to help navigate through life but how do I help them figure out that the math isn't necessarily the important part of my lessons, but killing people with kindness which is, in large part, also show through respect?  As my friend Alicia and I always say when discussing our children... Who the F knows?

Since this IS the day set aside for thanks, here are a few from my end:

-- I am thankful for the medical advances that have allowed my sister to fight the fight and still be here today.

-- I am thankful for the medical advances that have allowed my husband and I to battle infertility and allow us to have our three miracles.

-- I am thankful that we believed in our babies enough to give all three of them a chance at life and they are in our lives today.

-- I am thankful our miracles survived the crazy pregnancy I put us all through.

-- I am thankful for the medical advances that saved me and kept my 7 month old newborns alive.

-- I am thankful that my husband was, and continues to be, a great support.

-- I am thankful that I chose the right man to be the father to my children.  He couldn't love our boys more.

-- I am thankful for my mother who has shown me what a good mother is.  She allowed me to make mistakes but was always there to pick me up when times got rough.

-- I am thankful that a part of my dad's kindness lives in me and I see it in my children.  You may not be here in the physical sense my dear Papa but I see you in my children and that makes me thankful you were you.

-- I am thankful that Gabe and I have finally decided to get our health under control and that we have each other for support.  It's a tough road but we'll get there.

-- I am thankful for my husband's parents who have been an incredible support for us.

-- I am thankful that we have a roof over our heads.

-- I am thankful I have toys to pick up, this means my children played.

-- I am thankful for the silence in my house, this means my children are rested.

-- I am thankful for the dirty dishes I have to clean, this means we have food to eat.

-- I am so very thankful my crazy toddlers are healthy.

-- I am thankful I didn't break my toe on the evil wooden toy this morning.  I can live with the split open skin that still hurts like a BIATCH but I can live with.

-- I am thankful that peanut butter exists and that the boys aren't allergic.  If not for peanut butter, my children would, some days, not eat a thing.

-- I am thankful for my nieces who are great cousins and who will become amazing babysitters lol.  I am also thankful for them because they allow me to be able to have little girls in my life without having to deal with the craziness of having teenage daughters I'm thankful my sister will get to experience.

-- I am thankful that dogs exist because c'mon... how cute are they?  (I'm secretly excited for the day we get to get the boys one).

-- I am thankful my boys got to have a great daycare worker in their lives even though she had to retire early.  I'm sure having her there for their first 10 months of daycare made it easier for the boys to transition.

-- I am thankful for the great day I got to spend with my amazing family of five.

-- I am thankful that although our van got broken into on Monday, nothing was stolen and our van was as good as new by the end of the day.

-- Finally I am just thankful for the day I chose to eliminate all negative people from my life and surround myself with people who allow me to be the happiest I can be.  I think I have found that happiness through my family, my boys, my friends and of course, food.

I could go on all day about the things in my life I am thankful for but I'll end it here and hope that you all join me this week and show your thankfulness by doing one Random Act of Kindness.

That's all for this week folks... enjoy the pics!

Damn fools

It was a really crappy sight to wake up to

 

Looks like eyes in their closet... it was nothing but reflective flaps on their pants

The boys went apple picking with their daycare and made us some amazing apple sauce.

Zachary wanted nothing to do with trying on his costume until he saw himself in the mirror.  Then he wouldn't take it off! 

 

The boys were looking for Papi (my step-dad) in the backyard. 

Back on all fours

My small but delicious Thanksgiving meal

The cutie pie cards the boys made us at daycare

Longing to get on the ride on lawnmower 

The pretend one will have to do

First time in the back of a pickup.  They loved it 

Fun with the cousins

 

This is the evil toy that almost broke my toe.  It split most of it, but didn't break it.  Stupid toy

Zachary found the ONE puddle at the park.

Some parents were giving me "why are you letting him do this he's going to influence my children to do the same" eye but I was like... meh, he's having fun. 

My little monkey being a little monkey

Sam was NOT feeling his costume

Jacob having a good time

Trying on Mama's boots

That's all folks!  Have a good week and don't forget your RAK (random act of kindness).